What is news?

For a period in the 1990s I provided computer systems support for Foreign Exchange traders at a bank in the City of London. In addition to various screens allowing me to monitor the systems, and the by-then standard PC, I had a Reuters news feed. Traders need to know what’s happening in the world because it affects prices. I didn’t need the information but I did need to make sure it kept flowing, and of course I frequently scanned it to find out what was happening in the world. I was, as far as it was possible to be, up-to-date. And in my drive home – which took about an hour and a half – I got six quarter-hour news updates, just in case . . .


In St. Helena you get local news at 7am; the same news broadcast repeated at 9am; an update at midday, and further updates at 2pm, 4:15pm and 7pm. Many days the content of these broadcasts is identical, simply because nothing newsworthy has happened. When I used to do an afternoon Rock programme that finished at the 7pm news, the .mp3 file from which the news broadcast was played would often be the 12:00 version and sometimes even the 9am one. The island’s newspaper is published weekly on Friday. News is not a hot commodity on St. Helena.

And, perhaps, also not in the construction industry.

According to bizcommunity.com “Daily Industry News”, Basil Read has been awarded the contract to build an airport in St. Helena. The story is datelined “17 Feb 2012 08:59” – only about three months after the contract was actually awarded.

My guess is that anyone who really needs to know about this has already read about it somewhere else, so why publish it now? It’s not as if a website needs space fillers.

I suppose news is “anything you didn’t already know”, so by that definition this story was news to bizcommunity.com, but not to me.

I would have scanned the site looking for other titbits (“Canal linking Atlantic to Pacific to be built in Panama”? “Coliseum ‘nearly finished’ says Marcus Sextus”? “Pharaoh announces new plan for his tomb – what is a pyramid”?) but I didn’t have the time. If you do please let me know what you find.

Remember this

When you discover that someone has been badmouthing you behind your back, here’s a thought:

You must be very very important to them, because that person took time out of their busy day to think of you!

Someone once said "Love and hate I can deal with.  Indifference is hard to overcome."
(Don't remember who said it. Maybe it was me!)

Health and Safety

When I was at university our faculty had a computer. Now anyone who attended university more recently than the pre-Cambrian era may think that unremarkable, but it was actually so unusual in my day that this machine (about the size of a filing cabinet and with almost as much computing power as a current-day musical birthday card) was part of the guided tour given to visiting dignitaries. Anyway, this computer had a fan inside it, to keep it cool. And the fan, had a little thermal cut-out, so that if the fan overheated it protected itself by shutting itself down. Thus leaving the vastly expensive computer to burn out, but at least the 50p fan was saved. Safety is protection are all very well but only if you think about it properly.

I was reminded of this today by a Domestos bottle. (Domestos is a brand of domestic bleach used commonly to clean toilets and, it was once claimed by Jasper Carrott, by people in Norwich to soak false teeth. The lady that used to clean my house in the UK got through so much of it I wondered if she secretly drank it. But, as always, I digress . . .)

This morning I decided to freshen the toilet by the application of a squirt of the aforementioned product. Bleach is a Dangerous Substance, as defined by the Things That People Could Hurt Themselves With If They’re Really Stupid Act of 1972, and therefore is sold in bottles with a safety cap. This particular one requires you to apply fingers on opposite sides of the cap and press before turning. If you don’t do this the cap won’t turn.

But what does happen if you don’t to the squeeze properly, is that the whole cap assembly unscrews from the bottle and the entire contents of the bottle spills all over the toilet, the floor, your feet and any exposed parts of your anatomy. And throughout this, the safety cap remains firmly in place, to ensure you remain protected.

I feel so much safer. And I also have a clue as to why my former cleaner used to get through so much bleach and why the floorboards in the bathroom were a lot whiter than everywhere else in the house.

St. Helena Airport open NOW! (virtually)

If I understand the information at this link: http://flyawaysimulation.com/downloads/files/8161/fsx-jamestown-saint-helena-scenery/ someone has already set up the St. Helena airport as a destination on Microsoft's Flight Simulator game.  I don't play computer games so can't say how realistic it is - maybe someone will tell me.  But I can suggest some ways to make it as real as possible:

1. You turn up but the entire island is fogbound so you have to go back to S. Africa
2. You try to land but the person who does air traffic control is off sick today so could you please call back tomorrow?
3. There's a donkey standing in the middle of the runway and he isn't moving for you or anybody else
4. Your engine has a defect and the local ground crew get it running using bits from a scrapped Ford Escort and a square of old lino
5. There isn't enough aviation fuel to fill your tank so you top it off with Tungi Spirit and you make it back to S. Africa in half the usual time.

An Englishman's castle

The dispute over who should own the Falklands/Malvinas gets a lot of reporting here because a lot of Saints work over there and their family and friends back here are concerned for them.

I won't pretend to have any great insight into the dispute but it does occur to me that the people who live on the Falklands (their preferred name) wish to remain part of Britain.  Shouldn't that be the deciding factor?  You can argue forever about who did what and when, but if the people want to be British, surely they should be allowed to be?  All this machismo "my empire's bigger than yours" stuff should have died out decades ago, but the posturing by both sides just looks like two schoolboys arguing over who gets to sit on a bench.

So my suggestion (for whatever it may be worth) is that the boys in Buenos Aires and London find something else to occupy themselves - go do your homework, have a smoke behind the bike sheds or play a game of kick-about in the playground - and leave the people of the South Atlantic to make up their own minds.

Comment?

"Bonjour,


Je m'excuse pour cette intrusion, je me nomme . . ."

It seems I now get 419-scam emails in French.  From a .cz email address.  Why should anyone in the Czech Republic wish to address an Englishman in French?  The Internet is a wonderful place!

I could probably make good use of "la somme de $5 Millions dollards (cinq millions dollard)", though I'm not sure how many "dollards" there are to the pound.  But, on the whole, I think I will not "contact moi à mon email direct".  Sorry.

A useful reminder

Sometimes when things are difficult here it can be tempting to think "let's just go back to the UK". The thought has never lasted more than a few hours, but in case it ever does I've bookmarked Gary Walters' blog: http://garywalters.blogspot.com/2012/01/starting-from-scratch.html


The simple fact is that, wherever you are, and whatever you're doing, life will throw a certain amount of s**t at you. That being the case, you might as well be somewhere nice!
 
Good luck, Gary, but I don't think I'll be joining you!